whoa

My ashes are great today. I let her take over the body, let her guide me through the process. She's the one who is so seductive, so alluding to beauty. I let her want him and take him. Now I'm sitting here...and I'm throbbing with being, and happiness, and completion. Ash takes when she wants, and sometimes it's a good thing.


It's strange sometimes- being stuck between two opposing people -- all three sharing one form ---but it's nice to take the back seat, to let the lovely one drive.

sometimes life changes and you're completely fucked

a liquid weight draws me down.

I carry it in my chest, close to the ground
I lunge in my misery, stare with desire
I dream dreams of winds, carrying me higher-
flight paths of angels circling a spire-
but my breath bubbles dirt,
my dark lover pervert;
my clarity, thread by thread, unwound

and still, a liquid weight draws me down.

I'm humping through sludge, trying to drown
all or nothing, that's who I've always been
gorging on slime black as my sin-
brief thoughts of a clean tide drawing me in-
and I choke on the earth,
my bleak afterbirth,
wearing my claws on my head like a crown

I feel it, a liquid weight draws me down.

Sometimes I pretend you're a wave bearing down
foam circles my thighs, kisses my palms
a caressing lover, a stroking calm-
the thought resonates like a sensuous psalm-
but I'm stuck in the mud,
bathing in blood,
filling my lungs with a gargling sound

a liquid weight draws me down.

you don't like the things I like

I recognized her eyes, even though I'd never seen her before, except maybe in my drawings. She wasn't remarkably pretty, but the way her expressions fluidly swept across her face was intoxicating. I stared, transfixed. Her words were flavorful, and she mulled them around in her mouth before wafting them casually through the air -- as if she didn't understand her power. She was the palatable mixture of plain and pretty, boring and fascinating. She was mild and yet very disturbing. She moved me because I hated her without knowing her and wanted to love her intimately.

Between us, an insomniac questioning sanity and a modest lovable blogger, sat a thousand unknowable miles and a computer screen. I whispered her name and knew she would never hear it.